He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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