my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize