I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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