woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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