Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
