Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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