You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
