A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
