My first STD was from a foam party
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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