Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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