Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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