I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
