Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
