Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
