Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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