Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
