So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
