OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize