I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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