bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You need a sexual gate keeper
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
