life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
