about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Randomize
