Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
