You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
