I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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