My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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