Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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