she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
