What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
