She's JV to your varsity
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
