All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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