3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am naked and annoyed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
