she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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