Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
