He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
