What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
