I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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