So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Damn victory sex feels great
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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