Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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