it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
