I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
