Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
