i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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