Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
