Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
