I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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