I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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