Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
