just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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