remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.