I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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