I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
