I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
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At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.