When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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