why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
True college students do jello shots in the library
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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