ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
