eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
