Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
