life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
