the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
