please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
