Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
