weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
