I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
