Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize