remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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