I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
