this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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