A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
