uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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